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Tuesday, 13 November 2012
5 things you shouldn’t do if he’s cheating on you
Your husband is cheating. You’re not sure what to do. Before wrestling with that decision, let’s focus first on what you SHOULDN’T do. Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge compel them to do things they later regret — things which make it difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice they may later receive.
This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage the course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can make a bad situation worse. Let’s look at 5 key things you SHOULDN’T do and examine the reasons why.
1. Don’t put him out or leave him – yet.
Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it’s the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a close eye on what’s going on. It’ll be easier to do that if the two of you are still living under the same roof. If you put him out or leave, you’ll be hard-pressed to know what he’s doing, short of hiring an investigator. As long as you’re still together, you can keep your finger on the pulse of his affair and gather some much-needed facts. There’s a lot you need to know about the situation before you can make an intelligent decision about what to do. Continue monitoring your husband’s activities, attitude, the frequency of his contact with his lover and any other details concerning his affair. Write everything down in a journal for future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he’s still there, you have a chance to work things out.
2. Don’t tell the whole world about his infidelity.
It’s natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband’s affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be the “other woman.” Make sure you’re confiding in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband’s affair could complicate the situation. There are men out there who take advantage of women when they’re in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband’s friends or family may not produce the results you want. They might not take you seriously, or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren’t the only ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember unpleasant events long after they’ve been resolved. If you and your husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in who you tell about your husband’s affair.
3. Don’t ignore his affair or pretend it’s not happening.
Going into denial will only make matters worse. As traumatic as it is to find out that your husband has been cheating, you need to face the reality of the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the go-ahead to continue his affair. Pretending it’s not happening will make him think he’s getting away with his cheating, or give him the impression that he has your silent approval. At some point you should inform your husband that you know about his affair and make it clear that you want it to stop. The sooner you confront him about his cheating, the better. The longer you wait to bring it up and express your disapproval, the more attached he will become to the other woman. And the harder it will be to get your marriage back on track. Remember too, that affairs thrive in secrecy. Sometimes, just telling your husband you know about it, will be enough to put a stop to his affair.
4. Don’t confront him without the 3 P’s – Proof, a Plan, and a Purpose.
Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose the time and place carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. DO NOT ask your husband if he’s cheating. CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Present the evidence you’ve gathered that proves he’s having an affair – names, dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how it started, how long it’s been going on, how he feels about the other woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his answers so you can accurately assess the situation. Then you’ll be able to make a wise decision about what course of action to take. DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND WITHOUT PROOF OF HIS INFIDELITY. To do so will be a colossal waste of time. Unless you can prove he’s been cheating, the information-gathering phase will never get off the ground. If you need proof, there’s a way for you to get it without hiring a detective or buying software or surveillance equipment. “Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs” will help you find all the proof you need using only your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your husband, and the information in this book.
5. Don’t waste your time and energy on the other woman.
One of the worst things you can do is become obsessed with the other woman. It’s natural for you to be curious about her, but she’s not worth your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the spotlight on her instead of on the real issues where it belongs. Don’t obsess over the details of what happened between the two them. Concentrate on working things out between the two of you. Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting the other woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. She’s not obligated to take orders from you. Harassing her or threatening her will put you on the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing or belittling the her will only make your husband come to her defense. You’ll be driving them closer together instead of forcing them apart Forget about the other woman and focus your energy and efforts on getting your marriage back on track.
Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or saving it? The final outcome depends on the way you handle things when you first discover your husband’s affair. In the initial stages, you may be unsure exactly what you’re going to do. But at least you know what NOT to do. Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, avoiding these mistakes, leaves the way clear for whatever decision you eventually make
STOCK EXCHANGE SUSPENDS 21 BROKERS WITH
INADEQUATE SHAREHOLDERS FUNDS
Twenty-one stockbroking firms have been suspended
from the Nigerian Stock Exchange (NSE) for failing to meet the statutory
requirement of maintaining a minimum liquidity margin of not less than 10
percent of shareholders funds.
Article 15(e) of the rules and regulations governing
dealing members, requires stockbroking firms at all times to maintain a
liquidity margin of not less than 10 percent of their shareholders’ funds.
on the affected stockbroking firms is said to have revealed that they had their
shareholders’ funds eroded as at September 30, this year.
Exchange, in its ‘BrokersTrak’ identified the stockbroking
firms with inadequate shareholders funds, as including Colvia Securities
Limited, Consolidated Investment Limited, Dakal Services Limited, DBSL
Securities Limited, Dependable Securities Limited, Empire Securities Limited,
Express Discount Asset Management Limited, First Equity Securities Limited,
Genesis Securities & Investment Limited, Gombe Securities, Lion
Stockbrokers Limited, LMB Stockbrokers Limited, and Mainstreet Securities
Limited (Formerly Afribank Securities Limited).
Others suspended for maintaining inadequate
shareholders fund, are Mayfield Investment Limited, Midland Capital Market
Limited, Peninsula Asset Management & Investment, Professional Stockbrokers
Limited, Securities Trading & Investment Limited, Supra Commercial Trust
Limited, Wema Asset Management Limited, and Woodland Capital Market Plc.
One of the reasons stockbrokers were badly hit at
the peak of the equities market crisis, was poor capitalization. To remain in
business, a good number of them had to secure margin loans, and as the market
slumped, banks had to call back those facilities, leaving them liquid.
This development comes on the heels of the summoning
by the NSE, of 18 dealing member firms and three individuals, said to have been
involved in unauthorized sale of investors’ shares between January and
September 30, 2012.
The NSE, in a
bid to improve investor confidence in the market, has commenced a strong
campaign against market infraction by its dealing members. “Investors can now make more informed decisions about
where to invest, by viewing names of Dealing Member-Firms that have been found
liable for contravening market rules. The aim of the NSE is to reduce
contravention of market rules to the barest minimum, while doing all within its
means to restore confidence” the Broker-Dealer Regulations of the NSE said.
member firms (both resolved and unresolved) which have been summoned, include
Manivest Asset Management Limited, IT IS Securities Ltd, Lion Stockbrokers
Limited, Securities Solutions Limited, Dominion Trust Limited, Omas Investment
and Trust Limited, Marriot Securities Limited, Mountain Investments and
Securities Ltd, Royal crest Securities Ltd, Gosord Securities Ltd, Bytofel
Trust and Securities Ltd, Nova Finance and Securities Ltd, WT Securities Ltd,
GMT Securities and Assets Management Ltd, Prime Wealth Capital Ltd, Maven Asset
Management Ltd, and Da-Canon Investment Ltd, as well as Adamawa Securities Ltd.
individuals whom the NSE said have been involved in unauthorized sale of
investors’ share between January and September 30, 2012 are
Kingsley Nnaji (Hass been blacklisted by the Exchange for misconduct); Jeol
Okafor (He has been referred to the disciplinary committee of the council) and
Okafor George Nchedo (He is currently under investigation for misconduct).
Government had in April 2007 announced a new capital base of between n1 billion
and N2 billion for the various categories of operators in the market. While Issuing
Houses were to increase their capital base to N2 billion from N150 million,
stock broking firms were directed to shore up theirs to N1 billion, from N70
million and Registrars were to increase their capital base to N500 million from